Our collective curiosity toward death is a survival mechanism that has gotten us here. But it can be a scary process. The absence and stillness of a being, otherwise so present in your life, can make you afraid of death. The vacancy from this experience can make you feel like the version of life you had been living, which seemed like it had no ending, was a big deception of truth.
I want you to approach this blog with openness because I’m not going to tell you that you’ve achieved full immunity against death. You are going to die someday and the ticking death clock will continue to loom over us, but maybe your curiosity will allow you to understand how your fear of death affects your ability to be a kindred spirit. So, let’s do that together, shall we?
What Is Thanatophobia?
Wikipedia describes Thanatophobia as the anxiety around one’s own death which is very different yet often confused with Necrophobia which is the fear of dead bodies. It is important to note that this phobia of death is so intense that an individual is unable to carry out their day-to-day functions. This is to be discussed in all seriousness, and the information in the following segments has been scientifically researched.
Thanatophobia is misconstrued to be more prevalent amongst the elderly demographic. Research on elderly patients and their children revealed that the elderly participants showed lower levels of being scared of death, whereas their children scored a higher level in terms of both their dying and their parents dying. A lot can be inferred from this and it is important to note that no one answer is true for everything, it differs from person to person, culture to culture, and even other socio-political factors. But the underlying dimension of this is that the phobia of death is a “conscious fear of death, a fear for the body after death, a fear of lost time, a fear of suffering, a fear of the unknown, and a fear of loneliness”.
What is missing from this is the fear of having to survive after the loss of an individual one depended on – in instance where a child from an oppressed class, caste or religious minority, has to fend for themselves if their parent passes away – leaving them with no support system to rely on. Studies claim that the emotions evoked by death are complex. A sudden sense of abandonment, and separation – which are not easy to navigate all by oneself, yet conversations around death are so tabooed that people suffering from the trauma and anxieties around death are shunned or excluded from dialogue.
It is in this backdrop that we must ask the question we have been told to not look in the eye; to avoid what scares us the most because ignorance is bliss, right? If we are to break from the fear of death we must ask this very important question to ourselves, “Why am I so afraid of death?”
Why Are We Afraid Of Death?
To answer this question, let’s also ask What is death? “ Death is the end of life and the irreversible cessation of all biological functions that sustain a living organism.” The definition of death reveals potential points from which anxiety can function. Such as being irreversible, and the thought that your life here will come to an end. Psychologists have pondered over this question for decades now, and have theorized death anxiety in multitudinous ways.
Psychologist Irvin Yalom argued that death anxiety is the root cause of most of humanity’s anxiety and psychopathology. He says that anxiety is a response to anything that can cause harm to our survival, a typical example would be fear of heights where the anxiety behind the phobia is the impending truth of death. Hoelter and Hoelter theorised eight elements of death anxiety which are:
- Fear of dying process
- Fear of premature death
- Fear of death of significant others
- Phobic fear of death
- Fear of being destroyed
- Fear of the body after death
- Fear of the unknown
- Fear of the dead.
Florian and Mikulinceron on the other hand categorised reasons for death anxiety under Intrapersonal, Interpersonal, and Transpersonal. At the Intrapersonal level, the fear is situated in the impact death has on one’s body and psyche, the fear of losing one’s body is categorized under this phase. At the Interpersonal level, the fear is situated in how our relationship with our loved ones is affected by death, and taking it a step further, the transpersonal level is associated with fears of the afterlife since the fear of the unknown is strong here.
A common thread between all of the theories is that the possible reasons behind death anxiety are fear of the unknown, the fear of losing your loved ones, and finally fear of ceasing to exist. These are all very legitimate fears and it’s no surprise that they come in the way of daily functionality of human beings.
But if history has anything to show, it is that the people who came before us did what they could in the time that they had. And when it was time to go, they bid us farewell. Hence, we must explore some practical tips to accept that we are all going to eventually die.
7 Practical Tips To Accept You Are Going To Die
Before we get into the practical tips, I would like to provide a disclaimer that while the following have been tried and tested through research, it is easier said than done to accept you are going to die. The process of acceptance is thought of as an isolated one which I believe is a flawed approach.
You need your community and trusted circles to be able to come to this acceptance, so if you’re looking to break free of your death anxiety, I encourage you to seek your communities of care through this process. From the following, not all tips might be relevant to you. Either a single tip might work or a combination of tips might work for you, but that’s for you to decide.
1. Work toward a life of good health
People who have been diagnosed with terminal illnesses experience extreme anxiety towards death, especially when the mind and body have not had the time to comprehend or prepare for death.
While a huge chunk of terminal illnesses is outside our control, where people do not ask to be terminally ill, there is still a level of agency that rests in our hands to pick eating habits that suit your health, to pick exercises and activities that keeps your brain from spiraling into a state of anxiety. When we lose sight of this agency, it is easier to be prey to the anxiety around doom and death.
2. All that you can do better, do it now
As discussed earlier, the fear of death also comes from the realization that life hasn’t panned out the way you had hoped. And the one chance you had at life will come to an end at any given point. If you’re feeling this way, a possible response to this anxiety is to make a list of all that you had hoped to achieve and identify the most practical options that you can execute.
You might have wanted to support your family financially but now feel like you haven’t been able to do that. Ask yourself, in the time I have, how can I support them to the best of my current capacity? You might be stuck in a job that gives you nothing in return, this is a moment for you to take reign and find a job that aligns with your goals. All that you can do better, do it now. Now let’s get to the heavier bits.
3. Regulate your feelings from coming in the way
A big part of this journey of accepting you are going to die is recognizing that not only is the anxiety weighing you down but it is also being counter-productive in reaching your life’s potential. The hard truth is your feelings are coming in the way. There are moments in life when our own mind and body goes against us, and it’s important for us to stop in these moments and regulate what is potentially causing us more harm than good.
4. Ground yourself through therapy
I cannot emphasize this more, but seek support. Seek professional support if you’re able to or find subsidies/free group therapy communities that can help you navigate your fear of death.
Research has confirmed that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help regulate one’s fears associated with death. A specific kind of CBT known as exposure therapy has helped individuals grow more familiar with death thus reducing the anxieties around fear of the unknown. Even understanding the root cause of the fear through one-on-one therapy sessions or even group sessions can aid in the acceptance of one’s death.
5. Find what makes you spiritually tingle
A range of studies provide contradictory views on whether religion plays a role in death anxiety. Some studies record lower levels of anxiety in individuals with strong religious views, while some studies say even people with extreme non-religious views show lower levels of anxiety. There are nuances to these studies that make it hard to concretely provide a correlation between religion and death anxiety.
Across religions though, if one were to understand its intrinsic spiritual nature, one will find themes of life and death scattered all over. Spirituality can also look different for different people – some people find it through music, art, communities, seeking knowledge, etc. Spirituality has historically provided comfort to human civilization.
There are cultures across the world that celebrate death rather than fearing it and more often they are grounded in spirituality. The tip here would then be, to find what makes you spiritually tingle and find acceptance through it.
6. Reduce the intake of anxiety-triggering foods
If you think you’re more highly prone to anxiety, then a tip here would be to mitigate external triggers of anxiety as much as possible such as caffeine, added sugars, refined carbs, and alcohol. Additionally, you can consume foods that reduce anxiety levels such as chamomile, fish, nuts,and leafy greens.
The idea here is to maintain a balance of hormones and other biochemicals in your body which otherwise can cause a surge in feeling overwhelmed and not being in control.
7. Rely on your communities
By communities I mean friend circles, families (blood or otherwise), hobby groups, healing communities, or any such group of individuals who can extend their support to you. It can be difficult to find people who have either felt the same way or are open to talking about being afraid of death, but there is strength in collective synergy.
So, the first step is always to start by identifying support circles in your circles or network of friends and make sure that you push yourself to reach out to these trusted groups who have the capacity to offer you comfort in your journey of acceptance.
Conclusion
Accepting mortality doesn’t mean you wake up one day and feel fearless. It means knowing we have limited time here, and we need to make the most of it just as people have done in the past. So if you’ve made it this far into the article, I hope you’ll carry this with you: death is coming, yes – but so is your next breath and your next chance to be alive. And isn’t that the point of your existence? To live it out.
Understanding The Importance Of Men’s Mental Health And Why It Matters
